Run for the Hills

I haven’t had another subbing assignment since last Thursday…which is making me think that I should sign up for other school districts if I actually want to make some money at this. There is another school district in my town, as well as one about a 15-20 minute drive from here.

Also, I’m kind of nervous about getting any calls for middle school or high school. One part of me thinks they might be easier than grade school kids, but the other part of me is still dreading it. I’m wondering if I would be better off subbing only for grades K-6…but I’m thinking I should probably try a few of the higher levels just to see what it’s like.

And then ANOTHER part of me wants to run away and live in the mountains somewhere. I keep getting this trapped feeling. I am back living with my parents, I have all these bills to pay, and I am doing this job that is WAY out of my comfort zone. Run for the hills, my brain keeps telling me. Run! Wow, I really need to find a way to cope because I can’t really go anywhere right now, especially since literally running is out of the question. The most I can do is walk at a slow lope. I’m just thankful I’m not stooped over and limping like an old woman anymore! My chiropractor said that my disc, which was bulged, will always have that tear in it, but at least the bulge is moving back where it belongs, which is OFF of my sciatic nerve.

But seriously, there are these moments when I want to move far away so badly and make a new life for myself. But I am here right now, and I have to make the best of it.

Wow…this post took an unexpected turn. But it’s the truth. This is how I am feeling in my most raw, unguarded moments.